Roll Out The Barrels!

By: Jonathan Jones 04/10/2013

 By Dobie Maxwell – www.dobiemaxwell.com

   Here we go again. Traffic season has changed from one of only two options around these parts – from winter to construction – and I can’t decide which is worse. Is it trying to pass an 18 wheel slush launcher on the left in an unplowed lane, or getting stuck behind a tar truck for two hours?

   Las Vegas odds makers aren’t able to decide on that one, so why should I? All I know is, as the construction season approaches I’d better get used to seeing orange barrels in my path. They will be everywhere soon enough, but I already see them being put out all over. It’s the plastic version of a robin red breast. A barrel orange is a sure sign that weather will be warm in the near future.

   My question is, who’s responsible for those barrels? Someone has to make them, but I’ve never heard of anyone going to work at the factory. And where is the factory located? West Orange, NJ would be the obvious choice, but I’ve not been able to confirm said rumor. It’s all a big mystery.

   And where do they go in the winter? They must be stored somewhere, right? I’ve never seen an overhead view of the barrel storage facility, have you? Why am I asking all these annoying little questions? I have more than enough idle time on my hands to think about all of this and more as I sit motionless in my car stuck in one lane that used to be four on the Tollway. I’m marooned.

   One of these days – and I’m not sure when – someone is going to snap and take out the whole row of those barrels for miles. I don’t plan on it being me, but I’ll smile when I hear about it on the traffic report. Why I’m listening to that I don’t know. Nobody is moving anyway. After all, it’s construction season. Welcome to summer fun!